Reexamination of Memorial Day

The last several, I'd say 4 without breaking out the calendar and counting, Memorial Days have been quite strange for me.  Strange in the sense that they no longer just mean its a day off of work, full of BBQs and pools, but a day to honor and remember all of those that served our nation and never had the chance to return home to their loved ones.

Each Memorial Day, I write a status message and read others that remind people of the true meaning of the day: not shopping, BBQs, and time off of work, but our fallen service members.  Then, yesterday, I started to think of what has really been behind my status messages.  Was it really that I want to remind people of the true meaning or is it that I want their Memorial Day's to be as miserable as mine?  I mean, why should everyone else get to enjoy their days, sad thought free, while I pare down my fun and do the whole "parade followed by family BBQ at my parents' house" thing, instead of taking my kids out of town or going to a friends' house?!  Everyone else should have to adjust their plans too because I have had to adjust mine.  Right?!  Wrong!

And yesterday, I had an epiphany.  What a horrible reason for having ever typed those words into FB, or really for having thought that.  Yesterday, I realized that I don't feel that way anymore.  There is no reason for everyone, including me, to be miserable because its Memorial Day.  I mean, its not the only day of the year that I remember, love and miss my brother, so why give it that much hold on my life?!  Don't get me wrong.  I think its important to teach my children and others the true meaning behind the day, but that doesn't mean their worlds need to stop or change just because mine did in 2007.  Its a day to call special attention to the grave sacrifices that the military and their families have made to our great nation, to celebrate the honor and freedoms that have been afforded to us all, but celebrating doesn't mean moping around.  I know that if Dennis were still here, he'd be one of the first ones to smack us all for being so unhappy.  Well, he'd most likely do a little dance for us in his undies, not smack us, but that's his way.

So, yesterday, my status message read: this Memorial Day, please hug a Gold Star family member...with over 7000 service members killed in the last decade and the thousands from previous conflicts, I can't be the only one you know. loving and missing you, Dennis, today and always.  Okay, so its not the perfect status message, but I felt that it showed that this day is not just about me and my loss, but about the sacrifices of so many others.  And, more importantly, I didn't mope around the house yesterday because my brother is dead, but instead, enjoyed my time with my family.  Sure, the kids were all outside and I hibernated out of the heat, being 35 weeks pregnant and all, but I still enjoyed my time.  Of course, my brother and the countless other service members that our nation has lost, both before and after him, came to mind several times.  It wasn't, however, a somber woe is me kind of thought.  It was instead a proud to have the chance to have loved you and I will never forget, kind of thought.  


I think I'm getting there.  I think I'm getting to the point where I am letting my anger go. We will see in 4 weeks though, when we welcome #4 to our family, just how much I've moved forward these past 26 months.  


Only time heals a broken heart, and though some wounds will always leave a scar, this one, I wear proudly.  My heart will always hurt and show that pain, but the way it is displayed is changing, and for that,  I am grateful.