Its nearly midnight, I'm exhausted and laying on the couch. Sick. Why not go upstairs to bed? Its quiet up there. Down here, I have the noise of the TV to drown out my thoughts. Down here, I have the computer to distract me. Up there, I have nothing but silence.
Almost 4 years ago, my baby brother was delivering medical supplies to an Iraqi Free Clinic when the tire he was sitting over hit an IED. I will spare you from the visions of what ensued, but let's just say that he never came home. Wow. That is still hard to see in black and white.
I have been so blessed since then with meeting some amazing people. At a birthday party for my son's friend, I sat at a 4 top and learned that only 1 of us did not have a sibling die. So strange, as sibling loss made me feel so alone. Yes, I have 4 other surviving siblings, but that's not what I mean. I mean that people don't see your pain. Instead, they see the pain of your parents, of your sibling's spouse/sig other, of his children. Of course, they are hurting and it is important to acknowledge their loss and pain, but ignoring my pain to focus on theirs was simply hurtful.
Then, you also lose a lot of your friends. Its not because they don't care, but because death is a strange and horrible thing. No one knows what to do, what to say. Everyone just wants their old friend/loved one back. They want to know how quickly their lives can get back to normal and the discomfort of your meetings can go away.
Now, I have many friends that have suffered the loss of a military loved one and many that have suffered the loss of a sibling. While speaking with one of my close girlfriends who lost her brother 7 years ago, I came to a realization...I am still very pissed off. I have not fully accepted that my brother is gone. Yes, I know he is not coming home. But, I feel as if there are still too many loose ends.
Namely, I have a nephew that I rarely see, that I love. Death ruins a lot of relationships, and especially ones that are already strained. This simply does not sit well with me. I feel as if we, I, have let my brother down. That I have let my nephew down.
I also have a hard time at family get-togethers when its so very apparent that he's not there. And then, no one even speaks his name. Is it because no one wants to see mom's eyes tear up? Is it because no one wants to spoil dad's mood? Is it that they don't want to think of the sad loss? Why can't we simply remember all of the hilarious things that made him who he was? --- Too many questions.
And of course, it still angers me so deeply that some weenie jerk wanted to hurt someone that was trying to a. do their job and b. bring MEDICAL SUPPLIES. You get that, right? They weren't medical supplies for military. They were medical supplies for Iraqi civilians. What the hell is wrong with you people?! How does someone get so filled with hatred?! I just don't understand, and I don't think that I have accepted that I never will understand.
My girlfriend "challenged" me (really, she just said that she was able to come to terms with her brother's death when she accepted it and got rid of the anger) to accept his death. This is the way to "salvation". Her recommendation: pray. My sister's recommendation: pray.
Pray...what does that mean? Of course, I know what it means. But, this Roman Catholic raised girl has struggled to "forgive" God. My faith has been shaken. If you simply chat with me, I will certainly speak affectionately of God. I will offer my prayers. This is not a show, but probably a sign of how I was raised. The deep seeded belief and love I grew to have for God.
But, when it comes time for me to truly reflect on God, I struggle. Not only with the logistics of it all, that many people struggle with, but with how this being, that is supposed to be good and Omnipotent, could "allow" people to do the horrible things that they do. Let's face it. We all have the gift of selection, I know. We choose what we do. So, how then, can I accept that my brother's "work on Earth was done. He was called home to be with his Father?" BS! Some a**hole decided that the person in the truck was not worthy enough to live. And these people often do this in the name of "allah" aka God. Please, someone explain to me how anyone is then supposed to turn to God for comfort.
I want to move forward. I want to accept his death. I want to have a bad day that doesn't turn to a day of crying because I lost my brother. I want to be a better mother, wife, daughter and friend than I am when I am hurting. I want to be able to sleep. I want to know my nephew. So, how can I reconcile my broken faith with the loss of my brother? How can I let go of the anger I have for this unknown coward and the people that put him in that situation? How can I get the answers to my questions? How can I find peace?
Grrr...miss you, D!
Monday, February 21, 2011
A sick snow day
We went to bed last night, full of dreams of spin, pirates and ice slides. Instead when we woke up, we were hit with reality: 6+ inches of snow. Yay??? Not really. C has been up the past few nights, crying. Finally, she complained to my mom last evening that her ear hurt - hello Dr! I have the worst head cold known to man. What makes it worse? hmmm...being pregnant. You can't take ANYthing. Sure, you can take some Tylenol brand products, but since Tylenol was recalled and removed from the shelves several months ago, it is (a.) difficult to locate the generic versions and (b.) I've lost my faith in Johnson & Johnson. On a side note: my faith in J&J is so shaken that I even purchased Baby Magic for my cousin's baby shower, instead of my typical J&J baby bath care products, something I never would have done before.
So, I sit and suffer. Or really? My kids sit and suffer because their mom is basically an organic pile of junk, taking up valuable space on the couch. Don't get me wrong, I did manage to take C to the doctor and pharmacy for her double ear infection, and did 12 pages of a learning workbook with J, and 2 with L, but besides that...blubber. Poor P had to shovel both our driveways, and then was nice enough to plow 2 neighbors out. He also did laundry and got the kids bathed and into bed. Ok...so when I bitch about my husband in the future, remind me of days like this.
It took everything in me to peel my carcass off of the couch to make dinner. Again, I was looking for a quick fix. Something, fast, easy, and guaranteed to please since I just don't have the brain cells to listen to kids cry over dinner. The solution: Breakfast. That's right! I've been wanting to have a nice breakfast with my kids for a few weeks now, but we never seem to have time, even on the weekends. But, really, it doesn't take time to make it, simply to eat it. On the menu, I had Jenny O maple turkey sausage links, whole grain blueberry waffles, and scrambled eggs filled with veggies.
I adapted the waffles from Eat Better America and the kids LOVE them. Here's the recipe if you'd like:
What's great about these is that you can top them with blueberries, pure maple syrup, or a little butter because they have so few calories.
I was floored when the kids gobbled down everything, including the eggs. This is no feat to be taken lightly. Every Sunday brunch, my Grandfather makes eggs, and every time, I have to hear about how the kids do not like eggs, especially L. But, these eggs were a hit, even though they contained mushrooms (a much hated food in the minds of the kids) and red bell peppers (despised by all 3 of them, unless they are roasted, in which case, J will eat them). I simply sauted the mushroom and peppers with some dehydrated onions (I know, scary! but I'm out of fresh onions), salt and pepper. That's it. And, when they were done, I simply sprinkled them with grated cheese. SO GOOD!
After dinner, I returned to my resting place on the couch. Such a lazy day. Feel like crap, but I'm hoping this will fade tomorrow. Who knows. Maybe breakfast for dinner will become a more frequent occurrence.
So, I sit and suffer. Or really? My kids sit and suffer because their mom is basically an organic pile of junk, taking up valuable space on the couch. Don't get me wrong, I did manage to take C to the doctor and pharmacy for her double ear infection, and did 12 pages of a learning workbook with J, and 2 with L, but besides that...blubber. Poor P had to shovel both our driveways, and then was nice enough to plow 2 neighbors out. He also did laundry and got the kids bathed and into bed. Ok...so when I bitch about my husband in the future, remind me of days like this.
It took everything in me to peel my carcass off of the couch to make dinner. Again, I was looking for a quick fix. Something, fast, easy, and guaranteed to please since I just don't have the brain cells to listen to kids cry over dinner. The solution: Breakfast. That's right! I've been wanting to have a nice breakfast with my kids for a few weeks now, but we never seem to have time, even on the weekends. But, really, it doesn't take time to make it, simply to eat it. On the menu, I had Jenny O maple turkey sausage links, whole grain blueberry waffles, and scrambled eggs filled with veggies.
I adapted the waffles from Eat Better America and the kids LOVE them. Here's the recipe if you'd like:
| 1 1/4 | cup whole wheat flour |
| 1/2 | cup quick-cooking oats |
| 3 | teaspoons baking powder |
| 1 | tablespoon sugar |
| 1 1/2 | cups fat-free (skim) milk |
| 2 | tablespoons applesauce |
| 1 | egg |
| 1 | cup fresh blueberries |
What's great about these is that you can top them with blueberries, pure maple syrup, or a little butter because they have so few calories.
I was floored when the kids gobbled down everything, including the eggs. This is no feat to be taken lightly. Every Sunday brunch, my Grandfather makes eggs, and every time, I have to hear about how the kids do not like eggs, especially L. But, these eggs were a hit, even though they contained mushrooms (a much hated food in the minds of the kids) and red bell peppers (despised by all 3 of them, unless they are roasted, in which case, J will eat them). I simply sauted the mushroom and peppers with some dehydrated onions (I know, scary! but I'm out of fresh onions), salt and pepper. That's it. And, when they were done, I simply sprinkled them with grated cheese. SO GOOD!
After dinner, I returned to my resting place on the couch. Such a lazy day. Feel like crap, but I'm hoping this will fade tomorrow. Who knows. Maybe breakfast for dinner will become a more frequent occurrence.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
It's a....
This year, P and I are expecting the arrival of our 4th child. Though this child was the most "planned" of all of them, read: the only one we actually discussed before conception, it sure hit me by surprise. I was not really ready to give up my "alone" time at the gym and not having a baby attached to my boob every hour and a half. To be honest, it is still a bit difficult to accept. Maybe accept is not the right word. Let's go with "adjust to."
I went to my ultrasound today, with great anticipation. I didn't want to find out what we are having because really, that's the only "surprise" when you have a c-section. I already know that my child will be joining us on June 27 around 8:15 am. When you have a section, its like you go and check into a hotel for 4 days. When you leave, you just happen to go home with rock hard breasts, a very sore abdomen and a little ball of baby. It takes me a while to actually realize that I even have a baby. Maybe its because of the length of time it takes your body to catch up to the fact that you "gave birth" or maybe its a normal thing for women. Not sure.
But, practicality took over. Our girls need to get new beds, so the baby can have C's crib. J insists that her toddler bed is too small, so she sneaks into L's double bed every night. Then, there's the problem with storage. We have an attic, full of baby boy clothes, and a girl's room full of girl clothes. But, I have the "wrong" boy stuff and I gave all of my baby girl stuff (and most of my baby stuff) to my brother. I'm pretty sure that once #4 arrives, my urge to organize and thin out our belongings will disappear. It left no other option than to ask the ultrasound tech to reveal the sex.
As usual, my hubby was delayed and they began the scan without him. Michelle, our tech, started looking at the feet, and several times, you could see the hind quarter view. I knew then that there was no way this was what I had been hoping for, but I didn't say anything because she didn't actually go down there to look for the gender. When P arrived, I told Michelle about L and J's fight in the car this morning. L said that he was saving all of his clothes for his baby brother, then with their noses only an inch apart, and you can hear the bickering "girl" "boy" "girl" "boy". I had to interrupt the kids and remind them that God has already determined whether a girl or boy would be joining our family. L says, "Mom, I hope, I hope, I hope that God was listening to me". It was so sweet, how deeply he has a want for a little brother. Then, Michelle says, "well, let's take a look and see what this baby is"...it was a no go. The baby would not cooperate. We learned that #4 is a healthy child, that my placenta is NOT growing into my scar, as previously thought, and then, we did a 2nd check. Bingo, bango! It was so apparent that we were looking at our little girl.
P and I just sat there, a bit disappointed, but relieved that our baby is healthy. Then, the waterworks. I can not believe it, but I cried. I cried for my husband because he didn't get the son he wanted. I cried for my son, that he didn't get brother and play mate that he so deeply desires. I cried for myself, because I so fear having a 3rd daughter. That's 4 periods in a house at 1 time, 3 proms, 3 potential teenage moms, 3 weddings, 3 attitudes, 3 girls that will want to be fashionable, and I am the worst woman to give fashion advice (I have no fashion sense) or do hair (I barely even blow dry my own) or help with makeup (I rarely wear any) or help with eyebrows (my friends, brothers, and mom do mine). COME ON! What is God thinking?! But, then I cried for my daughter, for the guilt and the hopes that I and the rest of us had for her gender. Doesn't that make me a bad mom? I know it doesn't because I love her already, but I couldn't help but to think that it makes me less than an okay mother.
Then, came the scary part: I had to tell my L that he was getting another little sister. When I picked him up from preschool, I said, "L, do you want to see pictures of the baby?" He was so excited! But, as I pulled them out of my purse, J walked by and yelled, "IT'S A GIRL, L! IT'S A GIRL." The next 20 minutes were full of tears. "Mom, so many times the girls bother me. I just don't want another baby to bother me." "Mom, why didn't God listen to me?" "I just can't handle another girl!" "I'm never going to get to play with a boy" "When it's J's birthday, I'm going to stay inside and have alone time so I don't have to be surrounded by girls" It went on and on and on. It wore me down, I must admit. But then, the light at the end of the tunnel. When we pulled into the driveway, C and J were asleep and L came up to me. "Would you like to see pictures of the new baby now?" I asked him. "Okay, mom" We looked, he giggled and said how cute she is. Then, he asked if he can have one of the pictures to keep in his room. I was shocked, to say the least. Then, my little man said the most amazing thing to me, "Mom, a baby is a baby. It doesn't matter what it is. I'm lucky, cause I could've had nothing," and he leaned over and gave me a hug and kiss. My eyes swelled with pride for having been a part of raising such an extraordinary little boy. My moment of bliss.
Besides that moment, I felt like poopy all day long. My eyes are puffy, my head hurts, and I had little to no motivation to make dinner. I had originally planned to try a chicken and pesto pasta soup that my girlfriend recommended a while ago. Instead, I opted for a 5 minute meal: curried chicken and grape salad served on your choice of bread, tortilla or green salad and leftover Chinese food.
2 c. shredded cooked skinless chicken breast
20 small seedless grapes, halved
1 carrot, coarsely grated
1 tbsp. fresh lemon juice
1/2 onion, grated
1/4 c. plain fat-free Greek-style yogurt
1/4 c. reduced-fat Miracle Whip
1 tsp. curry powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. fresh ground black pepper
The chicken salad went over like a fart in church. C refused to eat it and promptly picked it off of her bread. J and L complained and whined about it, but in the end, ate it wrapped in a whole wheat tortilla with cheese. Why? Because they wanted a piece of their Valentine's candy, and who can deny the pull of candy?!
Tomorrow...I think I'll start dinner early, so I don't run into this problem again! and, perhaps I will begin my baby boy purging, so we can get ready for this little angel.
I went to my ultrasound today, with great anticipation. I didn't want to find out what we are having because really, that's the only "surprise" when you have a c-section. I already know that my child will be joining us on June 27 around 8:15 am. When you have a section, its like you go and check into a hotel for 4 days. When you leave, you just happen to go home with rock hard breasts, a very sore abdomen and a little ball of baby. It takes me a while to actually realize that I even have a baby. Maybe its because of the length of time it takes your body to catch up to the fact that you "gave birth" or maybe its a normal thing for women. Not sure.
But, practicality took over. Our girls need to get new beds, so the baby can have C's crib. J insists that her toddler bed is too small, so she sneaks into L's double bed every night. Then, there's the problem with storage. We have an attic, full of baby boy clothes, and a girl's room full of girl clothes. But, I have the "wrong" boy stuff and I gave all of my baby girl stuff (and most of my baby stuff) to my brother. I'm pretty sure that once #4 arrives, my urge to organize and thin out our belongings will disappear. It left no other option than to ask the ultrasound tech to reveal the sex.
As usual, my hubby was delayed and they began the scan without him. Michelle, our tech, started looking at the feet, and several times, you could see the hind quarter view. I knew then that there was no way this was what I had been hoping for, but I didn't say anything because she didn't actually go down there to look for the gender. When P arrived, I told Michelle about L and J's fight in the car this morning. L said that he was saving all of his clothes for his baby brother, then with their noses only an inch apart, and you can hear the bickering "girl" "boy" "girl" "boy". I had to interrupt the kids and remind them that God has already determined whether a girl or boy would be joining our family. L says, "Mom, I hope, I hope, I hope that God was listening to me". It was so sweet, how deeply he has a want for a little brother. Then, Michelle says, "well, let's take a look and see what this baby is"...it was a no go. The baby would not cooperate. We learned that #4 is a healthy child, that my placenta is NOT growing into my scar, as previously thought, and then, we did a 2nd check. Bingo, bango! It was so apparent that we were looking at our little girl.
P and I just sat there, a bit disappointed, but relieved that our baby is healthy. Then, the waterworks. I can not believe it, but I cried. I cried for my husband because he didn't get the son he wanted. I cried for my son, that he didn't get brother and play mate that he so deeply desires. I cried for myself, because I so fear having a 3rd daughter. That's 4 periods in a house at 1 time, 3 proms, 3 potential teenage moms, 3 weddings, 3 attitudes, 3 girls that will want to be fashionable, and I am the worst woman to give fashion advice (I have no fashion sense) or do hair (I barely even blow dry my own) or help with makeup (I rarely wear any) or help with eyebrows (my friends, brothers, and mom do mine). COME ON! What is God thinking?! But, then I cried for my daughter, for the guilt and the hopes that I and the rest of us had for her gender. Doesn't that make me a bad mom? I know it doesn't because I love her already, but I couldn't help but to think that it makes me less than an okay mother.
Then, came the scary part: I had to tell my L that he was getting another little sister. When I picked him up from preschool, I said, "L, do you want to see pictures of the baby?" He was so excited! But, as I pulled them out of my purse, J walked by and yelled, "IT'S A GIRL, L! IT'S A GIRL." The next 20 minutes were full of tears. "Mom, so many times the girls bother me. I just don't want another baby to bother me." "Mom, why didn't God listen to me?" "I just can't handle another girl!" "I'm never going to get to play with a boy" "When it's J's birthday, I'm going to stay inside and have alone time so I don't have to be surrounded by girls" It went on and on and on. It wore me down, I must admit. But then, the light at the end of the tunnel. When we pulled into the driveway, C and J were asleep and L came up to me. "Would you like to see pictures of the new baby now?" I asked him. "Okay, mom" We looked, he giggled and said how cute she is. Then, he asked if he can have one of the pictures to keep in his room. I was shocked, to say the least. Then, my little man said the most amazing thing to me, "Mom, a baby is a baby. It doesn't matter what it is. I'm lucky, cause I could've had nothing," and he leaned over and gave me a hug and kiss. My eyes swelled with pride for having been a part of raising such an extraordinary little boy. My moment of bliss.
Besides that moment, I felt like poopy all day long. My eyes are puffy, my head hurts, and I had little to no motivation to make dinner. I had originally planned to try a chicken and pesto pasta soup that my girlfriend recommended a while ago. Instead, I opted for a 5 minute meal: curried chicken and grape salad served on your choice of bread, tortilla or green salad and leftover Chinese food.
2 c. shredded cooked skinless chicken breast
20 small seedless grapes, halved
1 carrot, coarsely grated
1 tbsp. fresh lemon juice
1/2 onion, grated
1/4 c. plain fat-free Greek-style yogurt
1/4 c. reduced-fat Miracle Whip
1 tsp. curry powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. fresh ground black pepper
The chicken salad went over like a fart in church. C refused to eat it and promptly picked it off of her bread. J and L complained and whined about it, but in the end, ate it wrapped in a whole wheat tortilla with cheese. Why? Because they wanted a piece of their Valentine's candy, and who can deny the pull of candy?!
Tomorrow...I think I'll start dinner early, so I don't run into this problem again! and, perhaps I will begin my baby boy purging, so we can get ready for this little angel.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Happened Upon a Purpose
I told a friend today that I have a blog. "Really? I didn't know that. What's it about?" I had no clue how to answer. Nothing? Its like Seinfeld, I guess, about whatever is irking me that day. I like this, but who wants to log on and hear me rant and rave. Maybe, my blog should have a purpose.
I thought long and hard about what things I love: my kids and husband, my family, exercising, and of course, food! That's right. My hubby, P, actually tells me all the time that I plan my day around food; what I'm going to eat and when. Of course I do! I have kids. Sorry to say, my favorite thing is NOT having whiny kids crying because they are hungry. Frankly, its just not fun. Not to mention, except for 7 months out of the last 6 years, I have been either pregnant or nursing. Oh yea, you guessed it...FEED ME! As a result, I always ensure that I know when and where that next meal is.
What better to do, than to write about food. So, each day, not only will you get my little daily rant, but you'll also get the highs and lows of our family meals. I hope to use this to document recipes my family loves, and to track things that didn't really work out the way I had planned. Hopefully, this will allow for me to provide my family with healthy options that they will love, in a nice variety, aka, no real "staple" meals. Bear with me as we embark upon this journey. You should notice that we will be having meatless meals more than once a week, and I hope that this will inspire you to try some meatless meals with your families too!
This "purpose" struck me today as my kids and I ate a most delicious dinner: roasted chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, and steamed broccoli. L had looked at dinner and said, "Mom, I wish we were having that delicious soup from last night". I must admit, that soup was delicious! In the crock pot, I threw 1 box veggie stock, 2 bay leaves, 2 celery stalks, 3 carrots, 1 onion, 1 pound of white beans and a ham hock. Six hours into it, I added half a cabbage. SO GOOD. But, I digress.
I was so confused this evening because this is the kid that always orders mashed potatoes. Then...LIGHTBULB...he saw the mashed potatoes and his face lit up. "Mom, mashed potatoes are my favorite favorite food. Thank you, thank you, thank you" Really, I could not be more happy. And, of course, since he was thrilled about dinner, the girls had no problem eating their meals.
The only shocking thing, J does not thrilled about mashed potatoes. She ate them, but it seemed she was doing so to appease me. WHAT?! I know! I couldn't believe it. L had 3 servings, C had 2, and J choked down her 1. I personally think mashed potatoes are my most favorite food, ever. What really is not to love great flavor, great texture, a vessel to be paired and mixed with any veggie or sauce, a comfort food?! Really, besides the calorie count (if you load it with butter), they are truly the perfect food. Now, it is winter, so I may feel differently in the warmer months, but right now mashed potatoes=love!
I wish I could say that this meal was a homemade treasure, but I must admit, I do NOT like to touch raw meat. It is so foul, gross, slimy, and let's face it, its another creatures flesh. Yuck! I even have a difficult enough time eating meat lately. After going vegetarian for a month, it has really been difficult to find my former passion for meat eating. So, this was a Perdue Oven Ready Seasoned Roaster. I didn't need to touch it. I just cut open the bag and threw it in the oven for 3 hours - perfect. My J had 3 servings of chicken, and C and L had 2. It was even big enough to fill P and have half to throw into another meal or 2 later this week. Definitely worth it!
Tonight's meal is not one that I'd label "healthy" because of the part that butter played in the taters, but it is one that the whole family enjoyed (read: no one cried at the table), one that I will consider making again. It truly was the perfect ending to a chilly, but fantastic day with 3 happy children. Yes, God, I would like a repeat :)
I thought long and hard about what things I love: my kids and husband, my family, exercising, and of course, food! That's right. My hubby, P, actually tells me all the time that I plan my day around food; what I'm going to eat and when. Of course I do! I have kids. Sorry to say, my favorite thing is NOT having whiny kids crying because they are hungry. Frankly, its just not fun. Not to mention, except for 7 months out of the last 6 years, I have been either pregnant or nursing. Oh yea, you guessed it...FEED ME! As a result, I always ensure that I know when and where that next meal is.
What better to do, than to write about food. So, each day, not only will you get my little daily rant, but you'll also get the highs and lows of our family meals. I hope to use this to document recipes my family loves, and to track things that didn't really work out the way I had planned. Hopefully, this will allow for me to provide my family with healthy options that they will love, in a nice variety, aka, no real "staple" meals. Bear with me as we embark upon this journey. You should notice that we will be having meatless meals more than once a week, and I hope that this will inspire you to try some meatless meals with your families too!
This "purpose" struck me today as my kids and I ate a most delicious dinner: roasted chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, and steamed broccoli. L had looked at dinner and said, "Mom, I wish we were having that delicious soup from last night". I must admit, that soup was delicious! In the crock pot, I threw 1 box veggie stock, 2 bay leaves, 2 celery stalks, 3 carrots, 1 onion, 1 pound of white beans and a ham hock. Six hours into it, I added half a cabbage. SO GOOD. But, I digress.
I was so confused this evening because this is the kid that always orders mashed potatoes. Then...LIGHTBULB...he saw the mashed potatoes and his face lit up. "Mom, mashed potatoes are my favorite favorite food. Thank you, thank you, thank you" Really, I could not be more happy. And, of course, since he was thrilled about dinner, the girls had no problem eating their meals.
The only shocking thing, J does not thrilled about mashed potatoes. She ate them, but it seemed she was doing so to appease me. WHAT?! I know! I couldn't believe it. L had 3 servings, C had 2, and J choked down her 1. I personally think mashed potatoes are my most favorite food, ever. What really is not to love great flavor, great texture, a vessel to be paired and mixed with any veggie or sauce, a comfort food?! Really, besides the calorie count (if you load it with butter), they are truly the perfect food. Now, it is winter, so I may feel differently in the warmer months, but right now mashed potatoes=love!
I wish I could say that this meal was a homemade treasure, but I must admit, I do NOT like to touch raw meat. It is so foul, gross, slimy, and let's face it, its another creatures flesh. Yuck! I even have a difficult enough time eating meat lately. After going vegetarian for a month, it has really been difficult to find my former passion for meat eating. So, this was a Perdue Oven Ready Seasoned Roaster. I didn't need to touch it. I just cut open the bag and threw it in the oven for 3 hours - perfect. My J had 3 servings of chicken, and C and L had 2. It was even big enough to fill P and have half to throw into another meal or 2 later this week. Definitely worth it!
Tonight's meal is not one that I'd label "healthy" because of the part that butter played in the taters, but it is one that the whole family enjoyed (read: no one cried at the table), one that I will consider making again. It truly was the perfect ending to a chilly, but fantastic day with 3 happy children. Yes, God, I would like a repeat :)
Thursday, February 10, 2011
The Dinner Battle
Do you "enjoy" a nightly battle over dinner? Well, I do, and its becoming more and more frequent. The result...mommy and daddy are going bonkers. I used to brag and be the envy (okay...an exaggeration, but I'm running with it) of all my friends because my kids "eat everything". Yep, that's right: blue hake, salmon, sushi, avocado, chicken, broccoli, peas, carrots, ANYTHING! But now, we sit down at the table and the kids just stare at the plate/bowl of food. Its always my oldest, L, that starts first, the lip pouts out, arms cross, and the eyes start to water. The girls, whether or not they have already begun to eat, pick up on the discourse and immediately start the whining. Then, its just the looks of disgust as they sit at the table, refusing to eat.
Grrr! We do NOT offer the kids anything else to eat. Oh, you don't want this delicious food, why not have cereal or a PB&J?! Oh no! I hold my ground; you eat what is in front of you or you don't eat. Then, of course, more tears, even though they already know the deal. We tell the kids that they can't get down from the table until they have at least one bite. No big deal. We don't begin to pester, typically we just ignore them. Well, until the "baby" decided that she's not going to eat because her big brother and sister aren't. Now, we strongly encourage that first bite. 60% of the time, at least, they like the food and decide on their own to continue to eat. Sometimes, we are forced to call out the big guns: "badEssert" as J calls it. It doesn't matter what it is (ice cream, yogurt, fruit, cake, pudding), but the promise of something more to come just thrills them.
But, what's really getting to me is that the kids, especially the girls are getting to the point where they insist on being fed. Yep, my 3 1/2 year old wants me to feed her since I'm feeding the 22 month old. So, here I sit, in between my girls, bite to C, turn, bite to J, repeat. Oh, but wait, I don't get to eat. Not to worry, I have realized that I must now scarf my food down in the beginning of the meal to compensate for this. Pretty soon, I'll have a newborn, on the boob, and be between 2 whiny girls that want fed, at the dinner table. This does not look too promising. So, this month, I have determined that I, we, will find a solution to this problem/drama.
So, where to begin? Do I start to make meals that I know they will LOVE (macaroni and cheese, hotdogs, chicken, chinese, pizza, white rice, spaghetti, etc) or do I continue to offer a variety of healthy options (veggie pasta bake, salmon, lentil and veggie soup, cabbage and bean soup, veggie patties, etc)? If I offer the "crap", will that encourage them to hold out for junk or will they be encouraged to eat whatever is put in front of them? Gosh, being a mom is difficult. Not only do you have to worry about their safety, education, and whether or not they are honest/good people, but you also have to be concerned about making sure they do not become obese. I really don't want to fail at ANY of these.
Not to mention, when I moved to BFE from San Francisco, the thing I missed the most was the cuisine. I could/can not stand that 90% of my options for restaurants are either Italian or chain restaurants. Why should I lose the remainder of my culinary pleasures because I became a parent?! That just doesn't make sense. So, in addition to ending the dinner battle, my goal is to ensure that my kids are adventurous eaters. I surely hope that this is an attainable goal. I guess this is to be continued....
Grrr! We do NOT offer the kids anything else to eat. Oh, you don't want this delicious food, why not have cereal or a PB&J?! Oh no! I hold my ground; you eat what is in front of you or you don't eat. Then, of course, more tears, even though they already know the deal. We tell the kids that they can't get down from the table until they have at least one bite. No big deal. We don't begin to pester, typically we just ignore them. Well, until the "baby" decided that she's not going to eat because her big brother and sister aren't. Now, we strongly encourage that first bite. 60% of the time, at least, they like the food and decide on their own to continue to eat. Sometimes, we are forced to call out the big guns: "badEssert" as J calls it. It doesn't matter what it is (ice cream, yogurt, fruit, cake, pudding), but the promise of something more to come just thrills them.
But, what's really getting to me is that the kids, especially the girls are getting to the point where they insist on being fed. Yep, my 3 1/2 year old wants me to feed her since I'm feeding the 22 month old. So, here I sit, in between my girls, bite to C, turn, bite to J, repeat. Oh, but wait, I don't get to eat. Not to worry, I have realized that I must now scarf my food down in the beginning of the meal to compensate for this. Pretty soon, I'll have a newborn, on the boob, and be between 2 whiny girls that want fed, at the dinner table. This does not look too promising. So, this month, I have determined that I, we, will find a solution to this problem/drama.
So, where to begin? Do I start to make meals that I know they will LOVE (macaroni and cheese, hotdogs, chicken, chinese, pizza, white rice, spaghetti, etc) or do I continue to offer a variety of healthy options (veggie pasta bake, salmon, lentil and veggie soup, cabbage and bean soup, veggie patties, etc)? If I offer the "crap", will that encourage them to hold out for junk or will they be encouraged to eat whatever is put in front of them? Gosh, being a mom is difficult. Not only do you have to worry about their safety, education, and whether or not they are honest/good people, but you also have to be concerned about making sure they do not become obese. I really don't want to fail at ANY of these.
Not to mention, when I moved to BFE from San Francisco, the thing I missed the most was the cuisine. I could/can not stand that 90% of my options for restaurants are either Italian or chain restaurants. Why should I lose the remainder of my culinary pleasures because I became a parent?! That just doesn't make sense. So, in addition to ending the dinner battle, my goal is to ensure that my kids are adventurous eaters. I surely hope that this is an attainable goal. I guess this is to be continued....
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Overdraft lawsuits...Are we kidding?!
When I first graduated from college, I worked for Bank of America, BofA, at the time. I LOVED working at the bank. To me, nothing was better than helping people with their finances. But, nothing was more frustrating either. As the Operations Manger/Banking Center Service Manager aka Asst. Manager, I fielded a lot of disputes and upset client rants. I will say that whenever there was something that the bank did incorrectly (which was RARE), I was the first to apologize, reverse fees, and fix things to better than they were before. Nothing, however, enraged me so much as people that would be careless with their accounts and then come in and yell at me or my staff because they were being charged fees.
Now, I'm not a salesperson, but I was very good at selling products and services that would benefit the clients' needs, such as free online banking and overdraft protection. If I had a customer come in and they complained because they were charged an overdraft fee or the like and they did not have a 90 day history of poorly managing their accounts, I would always give a courtesy reversal. Let's face it, everyone makes mistakes, even I have made a mistake or two. And, to show that we valued their business, the right thing to do is to reverse the fees.
Today, I read a news story about how the courts have ordered Bank of America, Citigroup, Wells Fargo, and JPMorganChase to repay its customers for having high and excessive overdraft fees which disproportionately harmed low income customers. All I have to say is SHUT UP! Are you kidding me?! When you open an account, federal law mandates that you receive disclosures (they tell you the rules and fees, etc associated with the account you opened). Typically, and unless you have a crappy banker, the person that opens your account will go over most of those rules with you, especially the fees. Regardless though, of whether or not they did, and regardless of whether or not you read your disclosures, you should NOT spend money you don't have! A checking account is NOT a credit card! If you have $100 in the bank, you can only spend $100, not $100.01. If you do, shame on you! Okay, you did it once, or infrequently, not a huge deal. But, there are people that overdraw their accounts monthly, biweekly, or even weekly. Now, I don't want to sound cold or heartless, but if you know you have this problem, why do you keep doing it?! You don't have any money? Well, there are options: get a loan, credit card, budget your money more appropriately, change the payment dates for some of your expenses, re-evaluate your needs (do you need a smart phone, cable, etc..?), look into government assistance, or get an additional job. Stop acting like a victim all the time. Take responsibility for your actions.
This just highlights what is going on in this country. People have started to feel as if others owe them, as if they are not responsible for their station in life. You are responsible for following or breaking the rules that are set out for you. Most days, I choose to break the speed limit. If I get pulled over and get a ticket, shame on me...MY FAULT! I am not going to sue the police department for making their fines too high. Last month, we forgot to pay one of our credit card bills, just simply overlooked it. We got charge a CRAZY late fee, $35 or $55, I think. I will call and see if they will reverse it, but if not, oh well. I now have the date marked in my calendar so that I never overlook that bill again. Some lessons are expensive, not fun, but what are you going to do?...cry about it? sue the establishment that "made out"? Gosh...just can't stand that people think that they are "owed" something. Stop overdrawing your accounts and you won't be charged those excessive fees. Quit your whining!
Okay, I'll get off of my soap box for now...just can't stand craziness like that. I'm not saying that the Banks are Saints, but in this case, my opinion is that they did nothing wrong.
Now, I'm not a salesperson, but I was very good at selling products and services that would benefit the clients' needs, such as free online banking and overdraft protection. If I had a customer come in and they complained because they were charged an overdraft fee or the like and they did not have a 90 day history of poorly managing their accounts, I would always give a courtesy reversal. Let's face it, everyone makes mistakes, even I have made a mistake or two. And, to show that we valued their business, the right thing to do is to reverse the fees.
Today, I read a news story about how the courts have ordered Bank of America, Citigroup, Wells Fargo, and JPMorganChase to repay its customers for having high and excessive overdraft fees which disproportionately harmed low income customers. All I have to say is SHUT UP! Are you kidding me?! When you open an account, federal law mandates that you receive disclosures (they tell you the rules and fees, etc associated with the account you opened). Typically, and unless you have a crappy banker, the person that opens your account will go over most of those rules with you, especially the fees. Regardless though, of whether or not they did, and regardless of whether or not you read your disclosures, you should NOT spend money you don't have! A checking account is NOT a credit card! If you have $100 in the bank, you can only spend $100, not $100.01. If you do, shame on you! Okay, you did it once, or infrequently, not a huge deal. But, there are people that overdraw their accounts monthly, biweekly, or even weekly. Now, I don't want to sound cold or heartless, but if you know you have this problem, why do you keep doing it?! You don't have any money? Well, there are options: get a loan, credit card, budget your money more appropriately, change the payment dates for some of your expenses, re-evaluate your needs (do you need a smart phone, cable, etc..?), look into government assistance, or get an additional job. Stop acting like a victim all the time. Take responsibility for your actions.
This just highlights what is going on in this country. People have started to feel as if others owe them, as if they are not responsible for their station in life. You are responsible for following or breaking the rules that are set out for you. Most days, I choose to break the speed limit. If I get pulled over and get a ticket, shame on me...MY FAULT! I am not going to sue the police department for making their fines too high. Last month, we forgot to pay one of our credit card bills, just simply overlooked it. We got charge a CRAZY late fee, $35 or $55, I think. I will call and see if they will reverse it, but if not, oh well. I now have the date marked in my calendar so that I never overlook that bill again. Some lessons are expensive, not fun, but what are you going to do?...cry about it? sue the establishment that "made out"? Gosh...just can't stand that people think that they are "owed" something. Stop overdrawing your accounts and you won't be charged those excessive fees. Quit your whining!
Okay, I'll get off of my soap box for now...just can't stand craziness like that. I'm not saying that the Banks are Saints, but in this case, my opinion is that they did nothing wrong.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Unsolicited Review of Crayola Modeling Magic
For Christmas, my kids received Crayola modeling magic. Its like play doh, but you can either reuse it or its supposed to dry into the form you've molded it. J, L, and I were SO thrilled and eagerly made tons of things; mice, flowers, and many things that looked like "poop", but the kids considered to be masterpieces. We lovingly placed our designs on a plate and allowed them to dry over night, just like the box said. But, alas, when the kids rushed downstairs over 24 hours later, they were disappointed to find that only 2 held up, and not even for long. We were bummed, to say the least, but Santa also brought play doh which the kids turned to during their mourning period.
Well, the other day while shopping sans kids (I KNOW, it was bliss), I discovered that the store had 2 boxes of Modeling Magic's Jewelry kit, for only $2.50 each. I couldn't believe it. I knew the kids would be thrilled. For 3 days, the kids begged to play with it, until finally, a snow day. J, C, and I sat down and began to fashion our own line of jewelry. Of course, J insisted that I follow the "destructions" and make the exact same pieces. Then, the creative juices started to flow and L saw how much fun we were having and eagerly joined in. This time, I was very cautious. I made sure that none of the pieces were too thin. Then, we laid the items on a cookie sheet, and I set them in a warm oven, to facilitate drying after I made dinner. We allowed the items to dry for over 36 hours. I felt them, they were dry. Ever so carefully, we thread our beads onto the provided string. The kids were in hog heaven.
Uh Oh! PROBLEM: What are those things on the floor? Yep, the beads just began to disintegrate as the kids ran around. They weren't even being harsh on their necklaces. Instead, J was being extra careful that no one bump into her. As C was drinking her tea, a piece simply fell off and into her cup. The kids were destroyed, tears flowed swiftly. It was not a pretty picture :(
Bottom line: The kids had a great time, but DO NOT purchase as a modeling clay to dry. Use it ONLY as play doh, unless you like to disappoint your kids.
Well, the other day while shopping sans kids (I KNOW, it was bliss), I discovered that the store had 2 boxes of Modeling Magic's Jewelry kit, for only $2.50 each. I couldn't believe it. I knew the kids would be thrilled. For 3 days, the kids begged to play with it, until finally, a snow day. J, C, and I sat down and began to fashion our own line of jewelry. Of course, J insisted that I follow the "destructions" and make the exact same pieces. Then, the creative juices started to flow and L saw how much fun we were having and eagerly joined in. This time, I was very cautious. I made sure that none of the pieces were too thin. Then, we laid the items on a cookie sheet, and I set them in a warm oven, to facilitate drying after I made dinner. We allowed the items to dry for over 36 hours. I felt them, they were dry. Ever so carefully, we thread our beads onto the provided string. The kids were in hog heaven.
Uh Oh! PROBLEM: What are those things on the floor? Yep, the beads just began to disintegrate as the kids ran around. They weren't even being harsh on their necklaces. Instead, J was being extra careful that no one bump into her. As C was drinking her tea, a piece simply fell off and into her cup. The kids were destroyed, tears flowed swiftly. It was not a pretty picture :(
Bottom line: The kids had a great time, but DO NOT purchase as a modeling clay to dry. Use it ONLY as play doh, unless you like to disappoint your kids.
Reaction to Oprah's recent show on military families
A few days ago, Oprah had a show about military families, both Gold Star Families (their family member was killed while serving) and families that are forever changed because their loved one came home injured. I knew about the show ahead of time, DVR'd it, and still, a week later, had yet to watch it. It wasn't because I didn't have time. Come on, I watched both episodes of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion show. Really, I just didn't know if I was mentally "with it" to watch, share, and be transported back to the ever present, too real pain that I knew the show would elicit.
So, I wanted to watch Oprah's show on "Going Vegan" (that's another blog, in and of itself), and after visiting her website, I was compelled to watch the 3 clips, 2 about the Briest family and their battle to regain Mr. Briest's "previous" life, prior to his brain injury, and the final was the story about Gold Star mother, Teresa Arciola. I "know" Teresa's daughter, Amanda, through an amazing organization that I belong to, known as TAPS (visit www.taps.org to learn more). We've chatted online, shared in our stories of sibling loss, and how we are moving forward, so I was even more compelled to see the story focusing on her brother, Michael. I really don't know what to say, except that I bawled my eyes out. Her story is the story of over 4000 other mothers, the story of tens of thousands of bereaved family members. Here, 6 years later, you can still feel the pain she endures daily. For my family, its been almost 4 years, and though you may not see the pain in your daily dealings with us, believe me, its there, right under the surface.
The show travels to Arlington National Cemetary, section 60, with Ms. Arciola as she visits her son's final resting place. She read to him, played music to him, and just spent that time touching his gravestone. Wow! Did that pull on my heartstrings. In the past few years, I have only been to my brother's grave site maybe a handful of times. I've been there on anniversaries, to introduce my daughters, and to eat lunch, once. I find it extremely difficult to make it there. No, its not 6 hours away like Ms. Arciola drives, instead, its only 20 minutes from my home, 5-10 minutes from the stores I frequent. I have every intent on going to visit, but just can't seem to get my car to travel in that direction. I mean, yes, my brother's body is there, but why do I want to go there to have it smack me in the face that he really is gone? I'd rather continue to live in my fantasy world where he's overseas, and I'm only confronted with the fact that he's not coming home when I actually sit down and allow myself to think about it. A couple of my brothers and my father, like Ms. Arciola, are able and want to visit the grave site frequently. It just chronicles how we all move through our grief differently. More evidence that we must reserve judgment, judgment of the bereaved.
I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "when are you going to move on" or "you'll get over it" or "I'm worried about so and so because they seem too depressed". I know that it comes from a place of discomfort. Your friend or loved one wants the regular you back, and feels uncomfortable with the new you. They are saddened by their loss, their loss of the friend that they didn't have to watch words with, the friend that was always chipper. They don't know how to act in your new normal world. So, not only have you lost someone, but they have too: they lost you. The true test of friendship is whether or not you two can come together in this new world you live in. I am happy to say that I lost few friends.
Of course, all of this thinking got me curious to see who else saw the clip on Oprah's website, and what their thoughts were. There were 19 comments, very nice comments offering prayers and support for Teresa, but 2 stuck out to me. The 1st was a person offering their home to other families of the fallen, so that they may reduce expenses when visiting their loved ones in Arlington. How very touching, to open your home to a stranger. I applaud you!
The 2nd comment though, was posted by another Gold Star Mother. As I read her comment, I read something in it that may or may not have been there. The comment essentially struck me as a mother saying, "look, she's not the only mom that lost someone. I lost my son too! So many of us are suffering." At first glance, you may think, come on, lady. But, all I read was pain and hurt. It opened my eyes to the pain and mostly, the fear that we all have. PLEASE DON'T FORGET. I mean, that's the point she's trying to make, right? For, as long as someone remembers our loved one lost, he/she is still not fully gone. This is why I continue to mention my brother as frequently as possible, whenever the opportunity arises in conversation. And, this is why I try to learn everything I can about the other fallen service members and friends and family of my friends and family. We owe it to them, to keep their memories alive.
So, I wanted to watch Oprah's show on "Going Vegan" (that's another blog, in and of itself), and after visiting her website, I was compelled to watch the 3 clips, 2 about the Briest family and their battle to regain Mr. Briest's "previous" life, prior to his brain injury, and the final was the story about Gold Star mother, Teresa Arciola. I "know" Teresa's daughter, Amanda, through an amazing organization that I belong to, known as TAPS (visit www.taps.org to learn more). We've chatted online, shared in our stories of sibling loss, and how we are moving forward, so I was even more compelled to see the story focusing on her brother, Michael. I really don't know what to say, except that I bawled my eyes out. Her story is the story of over 4000 other mothers, the story of tens of thousands of bereaved family members. Here, 6 years later, you can still feel the pain she endures daily. For my family, its been almost 4 years, and though you may not see the pain in your daily dealings with us, believe me, its there, right under the surface.
The show travels to Arlington National Cemetary, section 60, with Ms. Arciola as she visits her son's final resting place. She read to him, played music to him, and just spent that time touching his gravestone. Wow! Did that pull on my heartstrings. In the past few years, I have only been to my brother's grave site maybe a handful of times. I've been there on anniversaries, to introduce my daughters, and to eat lunch, once. I find it extremely difficult to make it there. No, its not 6 hours away like Ms. Arciola drives, instead, its only 20 minutes from my home, 5-10 minutes from the stores I frequent. I have every intent on going to visit, but just can't seem to get my car to travel in that direction. I mean, yes, my brother's body is there, but why do I want to go there to have it smack me in the face that he really is gone? I'd rather continue to live in my fantasy world where he's overseas, and I'm only confronted with the fact that he's not coming home when I actually sit down and allow myself to think about it. A couple of my brothers and my father, like Ms. Arciola, are able and want to visit the grave site frequently. It just chronicles how we all move through our grief differently. More evidence that we must reserve judgment, judgment of the bereaved.
I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "when are you going to move on" or "you'll get over it" or "I'm worried about so and so because they seem too depressed". I know that it comes from a place of discomfort. Your friend or loved one wants the regular you back, and feels uncomfortable with the new you. They are saddened by their loss, their loss of the friend that they didn't have to watch words with, the friend that was always chipper. They don't know how to act in your new normal world. So, not only have you lost someone, but they have too: they lost you. The true test of friendship is whether or not you two can come together in this new world you live in. I am happy to say that I lost few friends.
Of course, all of this thinking got me curious to see who else saw the clip on Oprah's website, and what their thoughts were. There were 19 comments, very nice comments offering prayers and support for Teresa, but 2 stuck out to me. The 1st was a person offering their home to other families of the fallen, so that they may reduce expenses when visiting their loved ones in Arlington. How very touching, to open your home to a stranger. I applaud you!
The 2nd comment though, was posted by another Gold Star Mother. As I read her comment, I read something in it that may or may not have been there. The comment essentially struck me as a mother saying, "look, she's not the only mom that lost someone. I lost my son too! So many of us are suffering." At first glance, you may think, come on, lady. But, all I read was pain and hurt. It opened my eyes to the pain and mostly, the fear that we all have. PLEASE DON'T FORGET. I mean, that's the point she's trying to make, right? For, as long as someone remembers our loved one lost, he/she is still not fully gone. This is why I continue to mention my brother as frequently as possible, whenever the opportunity arises in conversation. And, this is why I try to learn everything I can about the other fallen service members and friends and family of my friends and family. We owe it to them, to keep their memories alive.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Modern Day Mom vs. She from Back in the Day
Today, we had a snow day, but one of those days that I knew was going to be spent INSIDE and not a moment outside in the snow. I had so very much to get done in terms of laundry, but I wanted to be able to look my kids and husband at the end of the day and know that I was able to accomplish more than just that. I've been trying this "new approach" to wife-dom, or should I say, a return to the old days. Yes, in every way, I've tried to be more responsive to my family's needs, especially my husband's. I think I'm on the right page, so far, but I thought I'd try to win my hubby's heart through his stomach, and while I was at it, my kids' too.
It was decided, their favorite meal for dinner: turkey chili with cornbread. Yum! But, of course, all the ingredients I thought I had, I really didn't. So, it was back to the drawing board. I had to reinvent their favorite chili, and I think I did a pretty good job at it. Here's the recipe, in case you'd like to try:
1 lb ground turkey
1/2 yellow onion
2 big cans white kidney beans
1 can texmex corn
1 can mexican corn
1 can diced tomatoes in basil, rinsed
12 oz. of crushed tomatoes
1 stalk of celery
1/2 tbsp garlic powder
2 tbsp chili powder
1 1/2 tbsp cumin
pinch pepper
pinch allspice
sprinkling of salt
Serve with a bottle of hot sauce for the adults and sour cream for all!
This truly was a pantry chili, but the overall goal was accomplished: this chili was loved by all!
What I've been struggling with most, with this return to the past, has been ensuring that my family has a warm meal prepared each night. With being pregnant, I seem to have all of my energy in the morning and early afternoon, but come 3 or 4, BAM, I hit a wall. I can barely make it off the coach to make dinner, so P usually has to do so when he gets home from work. Even I, the queen of "there are no male or female roles, even for stay at home moms", can agree that that's pretty messed up. The solution, I decided to make 3 additional meals; sweet potato stew, veggie burgers, and baked veggie and rotini pasta. Now, these are all new recipes that I'm just experiencing with, but they all came from items in my kitchen (check), some that were going to go bad (double check), and none of them had meat (woo hoo! check, check, check!). I really can't wait to see if this is a stress saver because if so, I plan on doing this more often.
On top of all of this cooking, I decided to be sure to make "jewelry" with my girls and read stories to the kids. And, though I didn't watch them with the kids, I was able to share pieces of my childhood with them, by letting them watch The Wizard of Oz and Annie. Note to all parents of sensitive children: The Wizard of Oz is too upsetting for your sensitive preschooler :( I had to cuddle my J twice to let her know that its just from someone's imagination, not real. No bad woman is going to come and take our puppy from us.
My typical day is NOTHING like this one. This modern day mommy's day usually consists of being out of the house for school, the gym, and errands until lunch or soon thereafter. When we get home, email (and Facebook) are checked and any time that needs to be put in at work is done. Then, its playing with the kids for a little bit, and picking up the house before I collapse on the couch in exhaustion, having set the kids up with an activity or a PBS show while I shut my eyes. Then, dinner, bath, story, bed. Same thing every day, with the only variation occurring with the errands I run.
I am often times offended by the comments of women my mother and MIL's ages: "Oh, when my kids were young, my house was ALWAYS clean", "My husband always had a hot meal waiting when he came home", and "I don't know why you always feel like you have to be doing something." etc, etc, etc... Talk about placing your upbringing and judgments on others. Of course, everyone has a better way of doing things then I do. I must admit, I am guilty of comments like that, too. But, today's world is so much different than the past. For instance, in the past, you could let your kids go outside and play by themselves, without fear that the were going to be hurt by others or themselves. Families didn't always have 2 cars, so that mom could go run errands and take the kids to play dates and what not. And, there was a complete different priority as far as your children go, as now, your child needs to be socialized (library, music, sports, dance, school) and ready to enter Kindergarten at the top of their class. These differences have effected the types of things a modern day mom can and is willing to do with her children.
What did I learn from this day? SO MUCH! I learned that those moms were able to keep their homes spotless, with dinner ready because they didn't do anything all day, but that. I mean, I was able to make jewelry, shovel snow 4 times, take garbage out, do dishes, mop the kitchen floor, make 4 meals and dessert, change bedding, and do 7 loads of laundry, all while still ensuring that my kids were alive. BUT, my kids couldn't go anywhere. They didn't burn off any energy. Instead, they were essentially couch potatoes, and of course, the obesity epidemic is in the back of my head the whole time. Now, the winter holds a lot of this blame, but if it were nice outside, there is no way I could have kept them inside while I did all of that work, and there is no way I would let them go outside by themselves. That would be irresponsible. I think that my family enjoyed their day, but I don't believe they would want to do this everyday, nor do I think I would want to, as evidenced by the fact that my almost 2 year old, C, packed her lunch box before going to bed so that we could go to the Y in the morning. Too cute.
I learned that you can and should never truly judge another mom or family because you really don't know what the expectations are, or what the parameters are, that they are living in. I learned that there is no right way to raise your children or your family as a whole. Just because I let my kids play on their Leapsters and DSi's, doesn't mean that they will grow up better or worse off than the kids that aren't allowed to play, or that are allowed to play for unlimited amounts of time. Are my children clean, healthy, happy, and on the right developmental tracks? Are they polite and well behaved? Well, that's all that should matter. No need to judge each other about the means by which we've accomplished these feats.
But, I also learned that sometimes, a return to the past is needed and warranted. I mean, imagine how much stressed can be reduced by ensuring that your family always has a warm meal ready for them (I'm sure that this is the norm for most of you, but lately for me, not so much) WHEN they are hungry, not 30 minutes later. And, maybe then I'd be able to give my husband a kiss when he walks in the door, instead of asking him to do this or that and get the kids out of my hair. Perhaps the kids will benefit from having a day of nothingness. I mean, as a society, we are always running around. There is always stuff to be done, taking away from our sleep, our health, and our families. Why not teach our kids to appreciate the art of nothing, so that they don't always feel the need to be entertained, the need to be spending money or going places. There are so many things we can learn from our "elders" (hee hee hee), but we cannot continue to expect that we can live within the confines of modern day life while meeting the expectations of an earlier one. Instead, we should simply do the best we can, taking the pieces that we can incorporate and dropping the rest.
So, a change is afoot. I will now make an effort to give my kids the random days of nothing. Days where the focus is simply in the home, relaxing, and enjoying each other's company. All and all, today was another great snow day snap back into what matters most: having a happy, healthy and loving family...no matter how we get there.
It was decided, their favorite meal for dinner: turkey chili with cornbread. Yum! But, of course, all the ingredients I thought I had, I really didn't. So, it was back to the drawing board. I had to reinvent their favorite chili, and I think I did a pretty good job at it. Here's the recipe, in case you'd like to try:
1 lb ground turkey
1/2 yellow onion
2 big cans white kidney beans
1 can texmex corn
1 can mexican corn
1 can diced tomatoes in basil, rinsed
12 oz. of crushed tomatoes
1 stalk of celery
1/2 tbsp garlic powder
2 tbsp chili powder
1 1/2 tbsp cumin
pinch pepper
pinch allspice
sprinkling of salt
Serve with a bottle of hot sauce for the adults and sour cream for all!
This truly was a pantry chili, but the overall goal was accomplished: this chili was loved by all!
What I've been struggling with most, with this return to the past, has been ensuring that my family has a warm meal prepared each night. With being pregnant, I seem to have all of my energy in the morning and early afternoon, but come 3 or 4, BAM, I hit a wall. I can barely make it off the coach to make dinner, so P usually has to do so when he gets home from work. Even I, the queen of "there are no male or female roles, even for stay at home moms", can agree that that's pretty messed up. The solution, I decided to make 3 additional meals; sweet potato stew, veggie burgers, and baked veggie and rotini pasta. Now, these are all new recipes that I'm just experiencing with, but they all came from items in my kitchen (check), some that were going to go bad (double check), and none of them had meat (woo hoo! check, check, check!). I really can't wait to see if this is a stress saver because if so, I plan on doing this more often.
On top of all of this cooking, I decided to be sure to make "jewelry" with my girls and read stories to the kids. And, though I didn't watch them with the kids, I was able to share pieces of my childhood with them, by letting them watch The Wizard of Oz and Annie. Note to all parents of sensitive children: The Wizard of Oz is too upsetting for your sensitive preschooler :( I had to cuddle my J twice to let her know that its just from someone's imagination, not real. No bad woman is going to come and take our puppy from us.
My typical day is NOTHING like this one. This modern day mommy's day usually consists of being out of the house for school, the gym, and errands until lunch or soon thereafter. When we get home, email (and Facebook) are checked and any time that needs to be put in at work is done. Then, its playing with the kids for a little bit, and picking up the house before I collapse on the couch in exhaustion, having set the kids up with an activity or a PBS show while I shut my eyes. Then, dinner, bath, story, bed. Same thing every day, with the only variation occurring with the errands I run.
I am often times offended by the comments of women my mother and MIL's ages: "Oh, when my kids were young, my house was ALWAYS clean", "My husband always had a hot meal waiting when he came home", and "I don't know why you always feel like you have to be doing something." etc, etc, etc... Talk about placing your upbringing and judgments on others. Of course, everyone has a better way of doing things then I do. I must admit, I am guilty of comments like that, too. But, today's world is so much different than the past. For instance, in the past, you could let your kids go outside and play by themselves, without fear that the were going to be hurt by others or themselves. Families didn't always have 2 cars, so that mom could go run errands and take the kids to play dates and what not. And, there was a complete different priority as far as your children go, as now, your child needs to be socialized (library, music, sports, dance, school) and ready to enter Kindergarten at the top of their class. These differences have effected the types of things a modern day mom can and is willing to do with her children.
What did I learn from this day? SO MUCH! I learned that those moms were able to keep their homes spotless, with dinner ready because they didn't do anything all day, but that. I mean, I was able to make jewelry, shovel snow 4 times, take garbage out, do dishes, mop the kitchen floor, make 4 meals and dessert, change bedding, and do 7 loads of laundry, all while still ensuring that my kids were alive. BUT, my kids couldn't go anywhere. They didn't burn off any energy. Instead, they were essentially couch potatoes, and of course, the obesity epidemic is in the back of my head the whole time. Now, the winter holds a lot of this blame, but if it were nice outside, there is no way I could have kept them inside while I did all of that work, and there is no way I would let them go outside by themselves. That would be irresponsible. I think that my family enjoyed their day, but I don't believe they would want to do this everyday, nor do I think I would want to, as evidenced by the fact that my almost 2 year old, C, packed her lunch box before going to bed so that we could go to the Y in the morning. Too cute.
I learned that you can and should never truly judge another mom or family because you really don't know what the expectations are, or what the parameters are, that they are living in. I learned that there is no right way to raise your children or your family as a whole. Just because I let my kids play on their Leapsters and DSi's, doesn't mean that they will grow up better or worse off than the kids that aren't allowed to play, or that are allowed to play for unlimited amounts of time. Are my children clean, healthy, happy, and on the right developmental tracks? Are they polite and well behaved? Well, that's all that should matter. No need to judge each other about the means by which we've accomplished these feats.
But, I also learned that sometimes, a return to the past is needed and warranted. I mean, imagine how much stressed can be reduced by ensuring that your family always has a warm meal ready for them (I'm sure that this is the norm for most of you, but lately for me, not so much) WHEN they are hungry, not 30 minutes later. And, maybe then I'd be able to give my husband a kiss when he walks in the door, instead of asking him to do this or that and get the kids out of my hair. Perhaps the kids will benefit from having a day of nothingness. I mean, as a society, we are always running around. There is always stuff to be done, taking away from our sleep, our health, and our families. Why not teach our kids to appreciate the art of nothing, so that they don't always feel the need to be entertained, the need to be spending money or going places. There are so many things we can learn from our "elders" (hee hee hee), but we cannot continue to expect that we can live within the confines of modern day life while meeting the expectations of an earlier one. Instead, we should simply do the best we can, taking the pieces that we can incorporate and dropping the rest.
So, a change is afoot. I will now make an effort to give my kids the random days of nothing. Days where the focus is simply in the home, relaxing, and enjoying each other's company. All and all, today was another great snow day snap back into what matters most: having a happy, healthy and loving family...no matter how we get there.
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