Modern Day Mom vs. She from Back in the Day

Today, we had a snow day, but one of those days that I knew was going to be spent INSIDE and not a moment outside in the snow.  I had so very much to get done in terms of laundry, but I wanted to be able to look my kids and husband at the end of the day and know that I was able to accomplish more than just that.  I've been trying this "new approach" to wife-dom, or should I say, a return to the old days.  Yes, in every way, I've tried to be more responsive to my family's needs, especially my husband's.  I think I'm on the right page, so far, but I thought I'd try to win my hubby's heart through his stomach, and while I was at it, my kids' too.
It was decided, their favorite meal for dinner: turkey chili with cornbread. Yum!  But, of course, all the ingredients I thought I had, I really didn't.  So, it was back to the drawing board.  I had to reinvent their favorite chili, and I think I did a pretty good job at it.  Here's the recipe, in case you'd like to try:
1 lb ground turkey
1/2 yellow onion
2 big cans white kidney beans
1 can texmex corn
1 can mexican corn
1 can diced tomatoes in basil, rinsed
12 oz. of crushed tomatoes
1 stalk of celery
1/2 tbsp garlic powder
2 tbsp chili powder
1 1/2 tbsp cumin
pinch pepper
pinch allspice
sprinkling of salt
Serve with a bottle of hot sauce for the adults and sour cream for all!
This truly was a pantry chili, but the overall goal was accomplished: this chili was loved by all!


What I've been struggling with most, with this return to the past, has been ensuring that my family has a warm meal prepared each night. With being pregnant, I seem to have all of my energy in the morning and early afternoon, but come 3 or 4, BAM, I hit a wall.  I can barely make it off the coach to make dinner, so P usually has to do so when he gets home from work.  Even I, the queen of "there are no male or female roles, even for stay at home moms", can agree that that's pretty messed up.  The solution, I decided to make 3 additional meals; sweet potato stew, veggie burgers, and baked veggie and rotini pasta.  Now, these are all new recipes that I'm just experiencing with, but they all came from items in my kitchen (check), some that were going to go bad (double check), and none of them had meat (woo hoo! check, check, check!).  I really can't wait to see if this is a stress saver because if so, I plan on doing this more often.

On top of all of this cooking, I decided to be sure to make "jewelry" with my girls and read stories to the kids.  And, though I didn't watch them with the kids, I was able to share pieces of my childhood with them, by letting them watch The Wizard of Oz and Annie.  Note to all parents of sensitive children: The Wizard of Oz is too upsetting for your sensitive preschooler :(  I had to cuddle my J twice to let her know that its just from someone's imagination, not real.  No bad woman is going to come and take our puppy from us.

My typical day is NOTHING like this one.  This modern day mommy's day usually consists of being out of the house for school, the gym, and errands until lunch or soon thereafter.  When we get home, email (and Facebook) are checked and any time that needs to be put in at work is done.  Then, its playing with the kids for a little bit, and picking up the house before I collapse on the couch in exhaustion, having set the kids up with an activity or a PBS show while I shut my eyes.  Then, dinner, bath, story, bed.  Same thing every day, with the only variation occurring with the errands I run.

I am often times offended by the comments of women my mother and MIL's ages: "Oh, when my kids were young, my house was ALWAYS clean", "My husband always had a hot meal waiting when he came home", and "I don't know why you always feel like you have to be doing something." etc, etc, etc... Talk about placing your upbringing and judgments on others.  Of course, everyone has a better way of doing things then I do. I must admit, I am guilty of comments like that, too.  But, today's world is so much different than the past.  For instance, in the past, you could let your kids go outside and play by themselves, without fear that the were going to be hurt by others or themselves.  Families didn't always have 2 cars, so that mom could go run errands and take the kids to play dates and what not.  And, there was a complete different priority as far as your children go, as now, your child needs to be socialized (library, music, sports, dance, school) and ready to enter Kindergarten at the top of their class.  These differences have effected the types of things a modern day mom can and is willing to do with her children.


What did I learn from this day?  SO MUCH! I learned that those moms were able to keep their homes spotless, with dinner ready because they didn't do anything all day, but that.  I mean, I was able to make jewelry, shovel snow 4 times, take garbage out, do dishes, mop the kitchen floor, make 4 meals and dessert, change bedding, and do 7 loads of laundry, all while still ensuring that my kids were alive. BUT, my kids couldn't go anywhere.  They didn't burn off any energy.  Instead, they were essentially couch potatoes, and of course, the obesity epidemic is in the back of my head the whole time.  Now, the winter holds a lot of this blame, but if it were nice outside, there is no way I could have kept them inside while I did all of that work, and there is no way I would let them go outside by themselves.  That would be irresponsible.   I think that my family enjoyed their day, but I don't believe they would want to do this everyday, nor do I think I would want to, as evidenced by the fact that my almost 2 year old, C, packed her lunch box before going to bed so that we could go to the Y in the morning.  Too cute.  


I learned that you can and should never truly judge another mom or family because you really don't know what the expectations are, or what the parameters are, that they are living in.   I learned that there is no right way to raise your children or your family as a whole.  Just because I let my kids play on their Leapsters and DSi's, doesn't mean that they will grow up better or worse off than the kids that aren't allowed to play, or that are allowed to play for unlimited amounts of time.   Are my children clean, healthy, happy, and on the right developmental tracks?  Are they polite and well behaved?  Well, that's all that should matter. No need to judge each other about the means by which we've accomplished these feats.


But, I also learned that sometimes, a return to the past is needed and warranted.  I mean, imagine how much stressed can be reduced by ensuring that your family always has a warm meal ready for them (I'm sure that this is the norm for most of you, but lately for me, not so much) WHEN they are hungry, not 30 minutes later.  And, maybe then I'd be able to give my husband a kiss when he walks in the door, instead of asking him to do this or that and get the kids out of my hair.  Perhaps the kids will benefit from having a day of nothingness.  I mean, as a society, we are always running around.  There is always stuff to be done, taking away from our sleep, our health, and our families.  Why not teach our kids to appreciate the art of nothing, so that they don't always feel the need to be entertained, the need to be spending money or going places. There are so many things we can learn from our "elders" (hee hee hee), but we cannot continue to expect that we can live within the confines of modern day life while meeting the expectations of an earlier one.  Instead, we should simply do the best we can, taking the pieces that we can incorporate and dropping the rest.  


So, a change is afoot.  I will now make an effort to give my kids the random days of nothing.  Days where the focus is simply in the home, relaxing, and enjoying each other's company.  All and all, today was another great snow day snap back into what matters most: having a happy, healthy and loving family...no matter how we get there.