Are we victims of our lives?

There are many times in my life that I've come in contact with amazingly strong people, people who have had some of the worst things imaginable happen to them, and come out on the other side, unscathed.  I know 2 sisters that experienced the same abuse, one is an amazing woman, mother, grandmother, wife, etc... that has truly made the best of her life; the other, lives life like a victim, expecting others to give her things/support since life has been so horrible to her.

It dawned on me that its all about how we approach those previous life circumstances, as a victim with expectations or as a stronger person that refuses to let those situations define who he is, that will determine our success in later life.  I myself have had my does of shitty life circumstances, many that I brought upon myself, but others that I was just unfortunate enough to have happen to me.  I am constantly trying to remember not to be the victim.

But, here is my dilemma.  I truly believe what I wrote above, that you must select your path in life, how you are going to deal with all the good and bad you come across, in order to gain what you want.  But, what about the people that say that God has chosen this path for this person.  I guess its a free will vs. determinism argument.  If I determine my destiny/happiness, how can you say that I have no control over the events that will happen.

What is making me think of this?  I thought about this yesterday when thinking about my brother's death and how each of us 5 siblings has handled it differently.  For example, my sister has found a renewed and much stronger connection with God.  She believes that it was Dennis's time to leave this earth since his work was done.  I, on the other hand, believe my brother was a victim of some cowardly jerk that just wanted to kill someone that was trying to help innocent victims.  Same circumstance, same upbringing, but 2 totally different views on what happened.  So, which is it then?

I thought about this again today while speaking with a friend that has been through more crap than anyone can possibly fathom.  She said that its unfair that she has to deal with all this stuff that life threw at her.  So, what does she do?  Should she fight to get to where she wants to be or does she just allow God's plan for her to play out?  How does she know God's plan?

If Dennis had known that God's plan was to have him murdered by an IED in a foreign land, would he really have volunteered and joined the Corps?  Or, would he have?  Or, would he have even had the option to decide?  This friend, I believe she should try her hardest to show others that she will not be brought down by the circumstances life has thrown at her, to succeed in the goals she has set for herself.  But, what if her path has already been determined?  Or, is it not the path that has been determined, just the end?

I have a minor in Philosophy, but that has not helped me to answer my questions, instead it has only served to intensify them.  Perhaps, one day, when I meet my maker, I will ask him/her what was pre-determined for me and which things I chose myself.  But, by then, it won't have mattered, will it?  So, I can only live life believing that I am in charge of my own destiny and the paths I take, no matter what litter is thrown in my way.