Did I sign up for this???

Okay...I know that I am fortunate.  My husband, kids and I live in a nice house, have food to eat, family to love, and really don't want for much.  But, yesterday, I surely felt like I must have had a conversation with God before I was born, acting as the martyr, I must have requested that if he has extra crap that he needs to throw down on someone, I would be more than happy to take up the burden.  Yes, of course this didn't happen, but it sure as heck felt that way.

I've been working extra hard with J, to get her to stop screaming and crying when she's asked to do something or doesn't get her way.  Around 2, as our play date ended, we had made it tear and fit free.  I praised her up and down, reminding her that she's so close to earning her reward: a 4 in. Snow White toy with the jelly outfits.  It was all down hill from there.

I had originally had no plans on visiting the store, but I had to pick up some black garbage bags.  So, off to WalMart we go.  Oh yes, every mom's favorite crowded store.  But NO, I would not fall into that trap.  Instead, I decided to visit the new store that is closer to my home and almost always dead.  They had some fantastic prices for their produce.  Yes, its not organic.  I know, but I'm not sure that buying organic is truly sustainable for our family. Too expensive.  Regardless, I got a cart full of fruit and veggies (including a rutabaga). I am going to eat healthier, like I did when I was trying to lose weight.  After making the trek to the back of the store for garbage bags, I got stuck in a convo with an older gentleman who commiserated with me.  "You look exhausted.  You really do have your hands full..."  I forgot the garbage bags.

Then, the fun began.  Oh yeah.  This checkout has only 1 customer?  Perfect!  I unload and wait.  And wait. And wait... Finally!  My turn.  Then, Ann Marie asks, "What are these?" "Plums," I respond.  "Oh, I don't know because I don't eat this stuff."  I knew then and there this was going to be an experience.  This 50 year old woman asked me about every piece of produce, save the bananas, even the ones with the identifying stickers.  Goodness! But, I stayed cheerful because it had been a good day.  To make a very long story short, this woman had no clue how to weigh fruits and veggies.  Instead, she weighed her hand, her belly, and pretty much everything else that could get close to the scale.  Some of the items were ringing up incorrectly and she had NO CLUE how to fix the price.  At least 30 minutes later (after beginning my order), I tell her, "Look, just let it go.  I will go to customer service."  But, about 10 items before she was done, J starts in, "Mommy, I have to go potty.  I really have to go.  I need to go now!  I'm going to pee my pants."  So, Mom of the Year, sends the 5 year old with the 3 year old to the potty.  Now, I can literally strangle the cashier.  Ann Marie gives me my total, and then, it took about 6 attempts to get my credit card through the machine.  "Please, do not touch the computer" I insisted during the final swipe.  Eureka!  Success.

Now, I get the pleasure of waiting in the line at Customer Service.  Yay!  I'm 4th in line.  That's not bad.  Oh wait!  Is that Donald Brown that just whizzed by in his jazzy and cut me?!  Son of a gun!  Why not say something, you ask?  Well, Donald is about 65, deaf, and gets around town in a motorized wellchair that my dad services.  Oh yea, so I stand there, seething.  Can you imagine seeing a young woman telling off an old man in a wheelchair?!  Now, a good 20 minutes later, I am up.

My kids have been angels...until NOW.  Oh yes.  J wants to sit where L is.  C doesn't want to be in the cart anymore.  Between telling the woman what's wrong "the apples are rung up at the wrong price and at 3 weights and the sweet potatoes are the wrong price," and refereeing my children's seat battles, I am just about done.  Then, silence.  Perfect.  I turn to focus on the customer service rep when I hear a collective gasp, followed by a scream from C.  She is now on the floor, on her back, hysterical.  I rush to make sure she's okay and calm her, when I hear squabbling again. I turn to see that J is now sitting on L's head, kicking him out of her seat.  I grab her with my free hand and put her in the cart.  Now?  Oh yes, she is screaming bloody murder.  Goodbye Snow White.  Cue collective loud whispering among the rest of the customers.  Yes, please put the "Crap Mom" sign back on my forehead.  Thanks!

And of course, as soon as we walk away from the customer service counter, the angels return.  Smiles and all.  Pure and utter silence.  Thanks for the show, kids!

If that's not bad enough, I get home, the dog hurts L by wrapping her leash around his ankle and pulling him down, then snaps her leash as she bolts for the oncoming van. Oh yeah!  This is the life.  After getting her back inside and in her crate, I throw my cold food in the fridge and the kids back in the van.  Off to KMart we go, for those darn black garbage bags and a new leash, which we procure in less than 3 minutes.  But, no, I have to wait over 15 minutes to check out.  This could go on forever.


We rush home, drop the leash off and run to my mom's to meet the reporter that's coming to do a story on the aftermath of military death. Oh yea, you guessed it.  We get there 5 minutes late, only to get an email 10 minutes later to say that she can't make it and needs to reschedule.  Okay, that sucks, but oh well.  No biggie.  Wait, is that dog poop on the floor (my parent's dog is really old)?!  Oh good, I'll clean it up.  This is my life, people.  Let the jealousy begin now.

My hopes of a nice healthful meal full of veggies with a fruit dessert were shot!  Instead, dinner was mini corndogs, leftover spaghetti and applesauce.  Did you just vomit in your mouth?!  I know!  I cringed as I sat there at dinner. But, that's what you get when you go to someone's house that has to go grocery shopping while your kids are starving and must be fed immediately or they will pass out due to a lack of nutrition. Grrr!  My poor mom.  She even offered to take us out to dinner, but I could not deal with one more potential customer service snaffoo.

Tonight will be different though!  I think I'm going to broil some blue hake and roast some veggies, maybe brussel sprouts, sweet potatoes, and rutabaga.   Along with my salad lunch, this should make up for the cookies and banana bread I had at this morning's meeting...I hope.  Here's hoping the kids enjoy tonight's dinner as much as last night's.

Not likely, but a mom can dream...can't she?!