Cry it out...both of you

Q had her 6 month well appointment yesterday.  She's a healthy 16.2 pound baby, 25 3/4 inches long.  We thought she was a little chub, but apparently, she's in the 44th %tile for weight, 40th for height and 65th for brain growth (of course she's a genius, look who her mom is).  Everything was going swimmingly well until the dreaded question, "How's she sleeping?"

Uh...How does one answer that?  Um...she goes to bed around 8:30/9, and then she's up at midnight, 1, 2:30, 3:15, 4, 5:30, 6:30 and 8 am.  "Not good.  She used to sleep 9 hours at a time, but now she's up several times a night," I responded.

Now, her doctor is great.  Really. But, I knew it was coming.  "Well, you can keep getting up with her every night until she's a cranky 2 year old, or you can all start getting a good night's sleep now."

His recommendation?  Let her cry it out.  Nevermind that J and C are in the room with her because they'll figure it out.  In a week, they'll all be sleeping through the night.  Well, its now or never, right?  I mean, she just cut her first tooth 2 days ago, so that's done, and her ear infection is cleared up.  No more excuses.

Last night, P put her to bed around 9.  Around 12, C woke up with croup and joined us in our room so that she could have a nebulizer (I know that's spelled incorrectly, but I'm tired, so I'll deal with it) treatment.  12:15...cue Q.  There was no point bringing her into our bed to get sick from C, so we let her go.  And go she did.  She cried all night long.  Okay, perhaps she stopped for little cat naps and from about 4-6:30, but my little angel cried so long.

P got so frustrated that he went to bed in L's room and shut the door.  I laid in my bed, next to a noisy, sleeping C and cried.  I cried because I knew it was okay to let her cry.  She's in a safe place. I cried because I knew that I could comfort her, just by picking her up.  All of her sadness would disappear if I just went in and got my baby and fed her.  I cried because this is my last baby...ever.  Why can't I just savor the moments of complete baby-ness?!

But, the doctor is right.  I am miserable during the day because I am so beat.  I am having a hard time losing weight because I am so tired.  I lack patience.  I lack understanding.  I pretty much lack my niceness because I can't focus on not snapping.  I can't even carry on a real conversation with others because I can only focus on myself and what's going on with me.  I'm too tired to focus on anyone else.  This is how I feel.

Day 1 of cry it out is done.  When P got her from her crib this morning, I was in the shower.  When she saw me, no big smile, just sadness.  Broke my heart.  Regardless, I am definitely going to do it again tonight because, well, let's face it, if I don't then I just tortured my baby last night for no reason.  I'm hoping that this will all be resolved and I'll have my 9-hour-a-night girl back in no time.